I know I’ll look back on this time and think “Why was I so worried? What was the big deal?”

But hindsight is 20/20. And I’m not looking back at this moment, I’m living it.

I’m leaving my babies.

I’m off to Panama! It’s a work trip (quite the perk of the job) and my little sister, Carly, is coming with us.  It’s a once in a lifetime experience: staying at a 5-star all inclusive resort (thanks Transat Holidays!!), spending a week with my sister, seeing a new part of the world.  I’m incredibly excited.

But I am also incredibly heart-broken and sad and scared.  I have never been away from my kids: no overnight trips, no weekends away with just me and my husband.  The longest I have been away from Lucy and Sam is an 8 hour work day.  I thought I would be the type of mom who would need a weekend away, who would love the idea of sleeping in with no little people waking me up.  But I’m not.  (You never know what type of mom you’re going to be until you become a mom.  I had no idea I’d be the “needy-I-want-to-be-with-my-kids-all-the-time type mom.)

Logically, I know I’ll be fine. And I know Sam and Lucy will be fine (they’ll be at home with dad!).  But emotionally, it’s a whole different story. 

I warned Carly that I may cry the morning we leave.

“I know,” she said.  “As long as you don’t cry while we’re in Panama.”

I took a deep breath.  “I might cry while we’re in Panama.”

“I know,” she said with a sympathetic smile.

As long as we’re both prepared.